And....we’re back....we hope.

Blows dust off keyboard.....
*cough!*
*cough!*
*hack!*

Yes. I know.
But life, you know?

So much has happened in the past year.  And I think back to this time last year when it seems like I was writing and blogging all the time.  Now...I am just trying to keep up with living- or trying to.

This has been a big year for me.
A new older brother.
A new job.

Because there is so much pain in the world, so much going on- people are dealing with GIANT ISSUES, my stuff doesn’t seem like a big deal.  People are so full of fear and hurt and anger. Everyone seems to be in a perpetual state of agitation.  Some of the circumstances that  some of my friends are dealing with make my heart ache and I don’t know how they are surviving without going cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
I think sometimes I forget that I too, am dealing with some pretty big things.
And I wonder what is wrong with me-
Why am I so stressed out?
Why am I not better at life?
Why can’t I pray more?
Why is everything suddenly SO HARD?
Why am I a terrible ___________? (Wife, friend, boss, sister, etc. etc)

I am sure I am not alone in being rather terrible at extending grace to myself.

I forgot that there is a huge learning curve when you get a new job.
I was sort of like, well, I’ve done this before- been dropped into a gig with no training-  I can do it.
Umm.  Yes, but not always well.
The day after a colleague told me I was handling all the crazy admirably,
I lost my crap.
In front of ALL MY bosses.  It was fantastic.
The artistic director bought me a cookie.
The rest of them listened and commiserated- they may not be able to change a lot- but they do have my back- which is a comforting thing.
The level of crazy has been intense, I don’t know any better, but my peers at work look at me with a great deal of sympathy pretty much all the time.

Things are leveling out- but it’s been a bumpy ride....I have faith next year will be great!
And the level of the peace that passes all understanding compared to the level of crazy has been kind of amazing.
Not that it’s been easy.  Not that I haven’t screwed up or handled things badly.
But in the back of my being, I can still trust that it will all be okay.
Just when I think God has forgotten me, something happens- a word, a remembered scripture, a feeling, a person comes along and reminds me that God is there.
There are many things I love about my new job- the people, the mission, hearing the kids laugh and respond when watching the shows.  It’s pretty great.
It’s also been a bit tricky.
Reconciling the credit card statements every two weeks makes me want to pull my hair out and throw things out my beloved office window.
Why can’t the charges on my credit card match the receipts that are given to me?
I AM TALKING TO YOU AMAZON AND JC PENNEY’S!!!
What is the DEAL???

ANYHOO.
I got to go fabric shopping in NYC for my job- also kind of awesome.
The garment district is THE BEST.
And since I was in the same time zone, why not meet my new brother?

It was a short visit- but it was great.
We get along pretty well- so I am thankful for that.
Bill is pretty awesome.
And he took me back to Guilford which is where I grew up.
That was a bit surreal, but I loved it.
Marty and I are hoping to get back out there for a vacation in the not so distant future.

So now I am trying to sort out what is the new normal?  Or what is as normal as can be?
This involves trying to change my routine, which has been hard.
I get up much earlier- and I am not a get up before the crack of dawn person, so I how do I manage my quiet time?  When do I pray?
How do I find time to write and do art?

I started an experiment in reading scripture that has been pretty great- I might turn it into a devotion also when I am done.  More on that later.

But for now. I am looking for space- space to be with Marty and my people.
Space to create.
Space to be with God.
Space to be.

And I am trying to extend myself grace for not being brilliant at life in the midst of big changes that have been happening.

I pray the same for you.
Life is change.   The good, the bad, the ugly.
Hang in there y’all.
We’re all going to be okay.