#Metoo

I've been thinking.
I know.
Shocking.  But true.
Much life has happened to me personally in the past several months, but that is not what I want to talk about.
In the grand scheme of eternity- most of my dailies don't really matter.
But there are things happening now that DO matter in the grand scheme of eternity.

When the #metoo movement went viral awhile back, 
I read all the posts, the articles, I absorbed...I agreed, I commiserated...I was quiet.
I needed some time to process.
Because- dealing with unwanted attention that always has a potential of turning into danger is just a part of being a woman. 
It's so huge- that those two little words- me too- didn't seem to remotely do the issue at hand justice. 
It doesn't mean those two little words didn't matter, or that they didn't have impact. The voices that spoke those words have immense value and worth. And they are EVERYWHERE.
I needed to process.

But lately, there has been a sermon, a blog post read, a discussion.
And I have thoughts.

It feels like there has never been another way. 
From the dawn of time- women have been at the "mercy" of powerful men.
In such a way, that it's so normal, that society doesn't even "notice" or acknowledge it anymore.
We see this rape culture reflected in film, TV, magazines- on the street, in our churches- it has infected our society.
I say society, because women notice, we acknowledge it.
We raise our girls, our daughters and sisters to notice.
We raise them to be aware.
We raise them to self-protect.
Because we need to.
I think about my husband telling me I needed to get something to "protect myself" because I work downtown.
Now, why would he say that?

"I am so surprised at all the voices of the #metoo movement!" said no woman ever.

Why do I say all this?
Why am I adding my voice to the fray?
Because it's time. 
I agree with all the voices.
Enough.
And because, #metoo.

...I wanted to say, "Thankfully, not in a violent way."
But why did I want to say it that way?  Why did I want to justify?  Deflect?
Because what happened to me didn't matter?
Because as a woman, I am taught my whole life to deflect? To make nice?  To make peace?
Because I am not a totally innocent person?  Because I have my own baggage, sin and shame that I carry with me?
Because in our society and world- all of that unwanted behavior is "acceptable" right up to rape and actual  assault? Because in some parts of the world, rape and assault is acceptable too?
WHAT THE HELL.

But- #metoo.

When I was 16 years old, an older man began flirting with me at work- and then kissed me unexpectedly, and illegally.  It was a pattern with this man.  I was confused and ashamed, I blamed myself- even when the pattern repeated with other young women.

When I was mugged in graduate school,  the older detective put his hand on my thigh- a bit higher that would be considered appropriate- if such a thing could be considered appropriate, which it was not at all...the fact that I actually typed that sentence is a bit telling. Anyhow, he expected me to be impressed that he knew who Edith Head was...as I was looking at mug shots because I was just MUGGED. I am sure he told himself he was comforting me, but it was more uncomfortable than the mugging.

The fact that I was mugged by a group of young men who asked me what time it was and then pushed me down a flight of stairs in the subway and beat me before they ran off with my bag- haunting was the laughter that ensued from the strangers below when I yelled for help.

Then there are the countless whistles, cat calls, yelling out of cars- too numerous to name.  The odd gropings and rubbings in pubs, theatres, clubs.... where does one draw the line?  What happens when it all becomes a blur?  One incident blurring into the other because it is so "normal?"
It becomes "expected" to be objectified as an individual- that is your worth- and you begin to accept that at face value- that the constant innuendo and over-familiarity and lack of boundaries should be the norm.  If you aren't sexual, what good are you?

One particular instance has been haunting me lately- it happened maybe 3 years ago.
I was walking to work- I was wearing a bright red blouse with wee black polka dots- a favorite of mine- and one that my husband complimented when I wore it.  It wasn't skimpy- it wasn't low cut or too short or too tight. I loved that shirt. I was wearing it with jeans and clogs.  I certainly was not dressed to draw "attention." (another way we self-protect)  I was dressed like the middle-aged woman  that I am.
It was an early morning and the neighborhood was deserted.  I saw two men about a half block away standing between me and my destination- immediately- I was on high alert.
Why?
Because I am female.  That is why.  Two strange men means potential danger.  Always.
And from that far away- one of the men starts yelling at me, "Hello there.  I love your blouse!  Why don't you smile?" etc. etc.
They were both leering at me and grinning at each other.
WTF?
What am I supposed to do with that?
Feeling extremely unsafe, I just sort of ignored them and gave them a wide berth as I hurried into work while they literally leered and talked AT me the whole way.

And I got rid of that blouse.

"She was asking for it."
"Did you see how she was dressed?"

That pisses me off to no end.
How I, or any female dresses is no damn business of yours.
It does not in any way, shape or form give permission or invite comment.

That kind of behavior is so "normal" for men, for society- that immediately, those who cry out against it are met with skepticism. 
Why aren't you flattered?
Why don't you smile?

Not cool, y'all.  NOT cool.

Right now, we are in the season of Advent.
And right there- in the genealogy of Christ- we see the sexual immorality of powerful men at work.
I am not even kidding.
Where, you ask?
Let's start with the women listed.
For starts, it's kind of shocking they make the cut at all- because in that time- being a woman was the worst- you were a possession- that could be abandoned and humiliated on a whim.
For the jews- a man had to say, "I divorce you" three times and it was done.
You lost everything- your dowry, your home, your respectability.
WOW.

Think about it- let's look at the story of Queen Esther in the book of Esther- or as I like to call it, "An Old Testament Lesson in Misogny."
The king is only the king because of his wife.
Royalty was her line, not his.
He was a putz.  Look him up in history- trust me.
He throws a party and is all like, "Hey! I have the hottest wife ever! Hey-wife!  Come out and show my peeps how hot you are!  Be naked! Only wear a crown!"
And she was like- "NO."
And the kings MALE entourage was like- "Oh no!  What if women get thoughts in their head they can say no to us because of what the queen did? We can't let them get all uppity like that!"
And then- the QUEEN was disappeared.  The royal line- killed, banished, we don't know- not even worth a mention.
So a couple of months go by and Xerxes is missing his sweetie- and the same fellows are all OH CRAP!  NOW WHAT DO WE DO???
What did they do?
The made it a law that EVERY virgin maiden was to be given to the king.  Think about that for a minute.
All of the girl children in the kingdom. Marriageable age- which was what, 12?
ALL of them.  Given to a man- who would use them for a night and then toss them away in a harem where they would spend their "lives"- idle and bored and unseen.
The lives of all these girl children were flat out stolen.
Now- the story then takes a turn as a crony of Xerxes decides that it's time to exterminate the jews- a bit of horrible genocide and we kind of forget the girls.
But I am here to tell you that God did not forget those girls.
I am sure His heart grieved for all the purpose and promise that was stolen.

God doesn't think women are less than AT ALL- and any religious man who says He does- is lying.
They are twisting the Word of God to serve their own agenda of power- or they are believing those who tell them so for the same reasons.  Power- be it political, religious- whatever....
How do I know this?
Back to the genealogy of Christ.

There are 5 women named.  Which was a bit insane in itself- there are no other genealogies that list the women.

Tamar- God brought her full circle- she received her inheritance after being abandoned for years by her husband's family and the hypocrisy and sexual immorality of the great patriarch, Judah, was exposed for what it was...in public...by her.

Rahab- a prostitute who believed God and was saved.  She then became the mother of one of the noblest men of the Bible (is it any wonder she raised him right?)  Boaz. Boaz then went on to marry....

Ruth- the outcast- who trusted God, who trusted her mother-in-law (that's right- she followed the advice of a woman) and married Boaz and they had Obed....who was King David's grandpa...which leads us to...



Bathsheba- um. Do you really think she could have said "no" to the King? Do we really think it was an option?  Not only did David try to make her husband have sex with her to cover the fact that David got her pregnant- when her husband was too honorable to do that- David basically had him murdered. Fantastic.

Mary- pregnant out of wedlock.  It took an ANGEL of THE LORD and a prophetic act to keep her from being abandoned by her betrothed- all because she was obedient to God.

Good times. 

Long lay the world, in sin and error pining
Till He appeared, and the soul felt its worth.

What I am trying to say- is that this has "always" been a thing.  Men taking what they want.  And now, women have had enough.  I think God is okay with that.  What is done in darkness always comes to light.
I don't think God is okay with his daughters being treated like crap.  We are not possessions, we are not something to be ogled and bought and sold.
We are people.  Created in the image of God.
We are worthy of the honor and respect that men expect from us.

When men are sexually promiscuous- they are cheered on by society- boys will be boys- blah, blah, blah.  If women do the same? Whores.

My heart breaks for the women who have believed the lies and live their lives thinking that they are less than-  that their only worth is in their sexuality or in how they relate to a man.
Those things can be good things- but we are so much more than our sexuality, we are so much more than objects.

I know- that "not all men."  That's fine. And it is true.
But here's the thing.  It's not about you.  It's not about men. That is the issue at hand.
When we say "not all men" - once again, it becomes about the men.
It is time for the women to tell their stories.
Shh.
Listen.
Light will break through the darkness, and we will all be better for it.
Selah.





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