Who is your celebrity boyfriend?
Goodness, it's been awhile, yes?
In the past month or so, life has been super busy (what else is new?)- and the last two posts were burning a hole in my spirit until I could get them out of my system- but other than that-I have been writer radio-silent. "Stuff" has been stirring in my brain and spirit, but it's been trips to see my dad, opening a show, deep healing prayer conferences, designing another show, and all the regular life stuff that happens in between.
Life just keeps happening- my beautiful cousin's husband died this week after a year long battle with cancer. My heart.....
This morning over 60 people lost their lives on the way to Cairo. And politics and ugliness and in-your-face unlove....I just can't.
My heart is heavy as of late.
I am currently reading The Crucified Life- by my man Tozer- and let me tell you- FLUFFY BUNNIES INDEED.
Dying to self.
That sounds FANTASTIC, doesn't it?
I mean really- who wouldn't want to die to yourself? Good times had by all.
I know, I know- the Bible says that to lose your life is to gain your life, blah, blah, blah.
But really?
Because everything else in the world, and church, is telling me that it is all about ME.
My happiness! My beauty! My well-being! My health! My gluten!
God wants to bless ME! (Well, I think He does, but I think His definition of blessing and ours is a smidge different)
ME, ME, ME.
Myself.
I.
I-phones, I-pads- have you ever noticed that? Interesting.
I get kind of sick of myself- really, I don't think I am that enthralling.
But how do we make the switch?
Anytime I feel like I am making any progress in humility- a light shines on yet ANOTHER area of selfish crazy. AWESOME.
I know that dying to self is a life-long process- but egad....how?
How do we fix our eyes on something other than ourselves when our culture is constantly shoving self in our faces?
Seriously- aren't we all suckers for those stupid Facebook quizzes that tell us about ourselves?
I think they are funny- they are more often wrong than not.... so wrong, in fact- I often waste time taking them and don't even post them because they are RIDONKULOUS.
I mean, why do we want to know what color you are? Who is your celebrity boyfriend? What kind of cat are you? Who would rob a bank with you? Seriously? We can't figure out those things on our own?
I am a combination of blues and greens with flashes of red and yellow, my celebrity boyfriends are Colin Firth and Captain America (although, Black Panther...mrrowwrr- amiright?) I am a Maine Coon cat and Susan would rob a bank with me. DUH.
COME ON PEOPLE. Other than God, who knows you better than you?
And yet, we waste time and lots and lots of brainspace taking these goofy tests.
I KNOW.
Because I DO IT.
DERP!!! DOUBLE DERP!!!
It's weird.
So weird.
We're weird.
I need to stop- and invest my time better. Reading, making art, cooking, hanging out with my people, praying, gardening, writing... ANYTHING BUT THOSE STUPID QUIZZES.
For heaven's sake- you need to kill time on the interwebs? This is why God created PINTEREST.
Seriously.
Or better yet....STEP AWAY FROM THE SCREEN.
The screen that isolates you and tells you that everything is all about you!
Go to the beach! Climb a tree! Have a tea party! Engage in LIFE. Enjoy people! I know, they can be jerks, but so can we. Do it anyhoo.
OY.
To keep myself from navel gazing...I have to look to the Lord.
That's pretty much what it comes down to for me.
I need to read the Bible, look for God in nature, in people, in art- in everything around me- seek His face so that I don't spend all my time looking in the mirror.
Some days, I am more successful than others (see above notes to self re: stupid Facebook quizzes)
but it doesn't mean to quit trying.
It doesn't mean that I don't think I matter- I do think I matter.
I matter to God- He loves me, He wants to heal me from all my junk, He wants to set me free, He wants to prosper me...He DOES want to bless me.
But not for me.
That's just the bonus. He wants all those things- so that He can accomplish things THROUGH me.
I am am a conduit for JEEEEEESSSSUUUUS!!! Can I get a Hallelujah!??!!!
Seriously.
I am. I am a love letter from God to everyone I come in contact with.
I believe that is my purpose.
Thankfully, God is big enough to work through my imperfect, hot-messness, in-process self.
Can I get a Hallelujah and an amen for that?
Because there are days that I TOTALLY SUCK at being a love-letter from God.
TOTALLY SUCK.
Yay for GRACE!
But at least it's something to move toward, something worthy of dying to myself for....and who knows what I will gain from it?
I am sure some people will think I am ridiculous, stupid and lame.
Good on them. Whatever.
I am determined to not preen or navel-gaze.
Heaven help me.
TTFN- I am off to engage in life.
In the past month or so, life has been super busy (what else is new?)- and the last two posts were burning a hole in my spirit until I could get them out of my system- but other than that-I have been writer radio-silent. "Stuff" has been stirring in my brain and spirit, but it's been trips to see my dad, opening a show, deep healing prayer conferences, designing another show, and all the regular life stuff that happens in between.
Life just keeps happening- my beautiful cousin's husband died this week after a year long battle with cancer. My heart.....
This morning over 60 people lost their lives on the way to Cairo. And politics and ugliness and in-your-face unlove....I just can't.
My heart is heavy as of late.
I am currently reading The Crucified Life- by my man Tozer- and let me tell you- FLUFFY BUNNIES INDEED.
Dying to self.
That sounds FANTASTIC, doesn't it?
I mean really- who wouldn't want to die to yourself? Good times had by all.
I know, I know- the Bible says that to lose your life is to gain your life, blah, blah, blah.
But really?
Because everything else in the world, and church, is telling me that it is all about ME.
My happiness! My beauty! My well-being! My health! My gluten!
God wants to bless ME! (Well, I think He does, but I think His definition of blessing and ours is a smidge different)
ME, ME, ME.
Myself.
I.
I-phones, I-pads- have you ever noticed that? Interesting.
I get kind of sick of myself- really, I don't think I am that enthralling.
But how do we make the switch?
Anytime I feel like I am making any progress in humility- a light shines on yet ANOTHER area of selfish crazy. AWESOME.
I know that dying to self is a life-long process- but egad....how?
How do we fix our eyes on something other than ourselves when our culture is constantly shoving self in our faces?
Seriously- aren't we all suckers for those stupid Facebook quizzes that tell us about ourselves?
I think they are funny- they are more often wrong than not.... so wrong, in fact- I often waste time taking them and don't even post them because they are RIDONKULOUS.
I mean, why do we want to know what color you are? Who is your celebrity boyfriend? What kind of cat are you? Who would rob a bank with you? Seriously? We can't figure out those things on our own?
I am a combination of blues and greens with flashes of red and yellow, my celebrity boyfriends are Colin Firth and Captain America (although, Black Panther...mrrowwrr- amiright?) I am a Maine Coon cat and Susan would rob a bank with me. DUH.
Gosh...they clean up well, don't they?
You are welcome.
COME ON PEOPLE. Other than God, who knows you better than you?
And yet, we waste time and lots and lots of brainspace taking these goofy tests.
I KNOW.
Because I DO IT.
DERP!!! DOUBLE DERP!!!
It's weird.
So weird.
We're weird.
I need to stop- and invest my time better. Reading, making art, cooking, hanging out with my people, praying, gardening, writing... ANYTHING BUT THOSE STUPID QUIZZES.
For heaven's sake- you need to kill time on the interwebs? This is why God created PINTEREST.
Seriously.
Or better yet....STEP AWAY FROM THE SCREEN.
The screen that isolates you and tells you that everything is all about you!
Go to the beach! Climb a tree! Have a tea party! Engage in LIFE. Enjoy people! I know, they can be jerks, but so can we. Do it anyhoo.
OY.
To keep myself from navel gazing...I have to look to the Lord.
That's pretty much what it comes down to for me.
I need to read the Bible, look for God in nature, in people, in art- in everything around me- seek His face so that I don't spend all my time looking in the mirror.
Some days, I am more successful than others (see above notes to self re: stupid Facebook quizzes)
but it doesn't mean to quit trying.
It doesn't mean that I don't think I matter- I do think I matter.
I matter to God- He loves me, He wants to heal me from all my junk, He wants to set me free, He wants to prosper me...He DOES want to bless me.
But not for me.
That's just the bonus. He wants all those things- so that He can accomplish things THROUGH me.
I am am a conduit for JEEEEEESSSSUUUUS!!! Can I get a Hallelujah!??!!!
Seriously.
I am. I am a love letter from God to everyone I come in contact with.
I believe that is my purpose.
Thankfully, God is big enough to work through my imperfect, hot-messness, in-process self.
Can I get a Hallelujah and an amen for that?
Because there are days that I TOTALLY SUCK at being a love-letter from God.
TOTALLY SUCK.
Yay for GRACE!
But at least it's something to move toward, something worthy of dying to myself for....and who knows what I will gain from it?
I am sure some people will think I am ridiculous, stupid and lame.
Good on them. Whatever.
I am determined to not preen or navel-gaze.
Heaven help me.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen,
since what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:18
TTFN- I am off to engage in life.
Hallelujah, and amen.
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