In the beginning....
Beginnings are hard.
Endings are hard.
In between is hard.
Life is hard.
So what the heck am I doing?
I think I am having a mid-life crisis. At the ripe old age of 45, I have a good job working in the field I actually went to school for (WHAAA??????) and a great husband, we live in a pretty apartment in Seattle and I have two of the most adorable godchildren on the planet. So what the heck is my deal???
I have been uneasy/stuck./restless/frustrated/sad for almost two years now. The state of the world breaks my heart. Children being trafficked, the ridiculousness of racism that is (thankfully) in our face every day now, human slavery, rapes, orphans, hunger, poverty, social injustice, unequal pay. I would love to turn it all off- but I just can't.
I...just...can't.
Honestly- I think BIG THOUGHTS about DEEP THINGS and I have LOTS OF FEELINGS about them all...all the time.
And I feel helpless to do anything about it.
And I ask myself, am I really as helpless as I feel?
I expect not.
I am still in the top 1 or 2% most wealthy people on the planet, even though I can't afford to buy a house in Seattle because RIDICULOUSNESS. (Thanks a lot, tech people who are smarter than me and make way more money than those of us working in the non-profit sector of the arts.
By the way, tech people, you need us....you need us to remind you of your humanity and the beauty in the world because as you are taking over, people are losing touch. People are addicted to tech and social media, and they can't sleep, they can't talk to each other, they can't function in society/reality and you need us to remind you TO do that, let alone how to do that. But I digress....)
In a world....where no one talks with each other, they just talk at each other...I wonder- how do we love. When left and right are hollering so loud, I don't think they even know what they are talking about anymore. WHY are we warring with each other about stuff that doesn't matter? Why aren't we talking about the stuff that does?
I think we all know that things are not right in the world. Now, we all have an opinion about what will fix that. Why, we in the costume shop, in addition to making gorgeous clothing have solved ALL the world's problems, true story. Feel free to ask us- however, I should warn you, we're not in agreement all the time! IT'S TRUE.
And..it's okay.
It's OKAY y'all- to not agree. To love and prefer and wish each other well. That being different isn't about being wrong! We can disagree and still love each other! We will disagree and love each other! I was just reading some essays that the fabulous Jen Hatmaker wrote and she talks about these topics of loving people just as they are. So radical. Do you know her? You don't?
You should, she's a hoot. You can google her on the interwebs. Here, I'll make it easy for you.
http://jenhatmaker.com/
I heart her with my whole heart. She makes me feel less crazy. Like there are other people like me out there. People who love Jesus, but think things have gotten pretty squacky and out of whack in the realm of what we call "mainstream christianity."
Honestly, y'all- it's so bad, I don't even want to tell people I am a Christian. True story. It's not Jesus. I think Jesus is the bomb. He's freakin' fantastic. Walking love- it doesn't get better than that. But- we don't see Him much lately, do we? In all the hootin' and hollerin' and carryin' on....Yikes.
He still loves us! Isn't that amazing?
But, He expects us to love each other too. And it's hard, isn't it?
Because IDIOTS. All of us, and our blind spots, and our opinions that are "fact," and our ignorance (true story- contrary to popular belief, you don't know everything about everything- neither do I)
And since when did church become a business? Jesus tossing the temple? Anyone?
I wonder what would happen if we let that go? Let go of the structure of business for the church?
That is DEFINITELY a blog for another day. I have many WORDS about that topic.
So- now what? How do we love people as they are? How do we love them without trying to turn them into us? How do we bridge the divide? How do we be ministers of reconciliation and start to fix this mess?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
But I am willing to try. So, I am going to write about what I think (don't worry- I don't expect you to think like me, but try to be nice) and what I am trying to do to move forward and make it a better planet so I don't stand before God and be all like,
"Well, I heard You calling me, but I didn't know what to do about it..."
So- I am starting a blog, because it's easier to change direction if you're moving. So, I'm moving, here we go.
Things I am pondering:
Talking about the journey more. Y'all know stuff. I am a verbal processor.
Who knows what will happen?
Praying...because...duh.
Giving more financially- do I really need more crap? No. I don't, I want to give it to hungry people- and to organizations that empower people to begin to take ownership of their world...to empower those who need help to help others...because, y'all- arrogant charity doesn't really work. But that's a topic for another blog.
A few causes I know and believe in for starts:
www.heifer.org
www.wppcnepal.org
http://legacycollective.org/welcome/
Reading- a lot. Opening up my world, to other cultures and points of view. And studying Jesus, the main man. You know, the savior of the world? Because He is AWESOME. He is radical- and we have forgotten that- forgotten how He loved people and treated them. How He loved and treated the marginalized. Y'ALL- that's the POINT. He was also FUN...another point forgotten.
Pondering "CHURCH"- it's complicated. I'm confused. I'm not sure it's the way I want to go- and that is no reflection on the people of the church I am currently attending. They have done nothing but love and support me- but there is something deep in my core that cannot commit. I have some ideas why (we'll save that for another post)- but I am not sure what to do about it.
Being open and aware. Trying not to shut myself off, because truth be told, I am TERRIFIED.
And I have never been one to battle fear, but the past few years? Hoo boy. Yikes.
I am scared of risk, and of being made uncomfortable, of moving outside of myself...but the call stirring in my heart has gotten too big for me to ignore. Y'all pray for me. I have no idea what I am doing.
And y'all can just pray for me anyhow. I am greedy and needy for prayer. My husband is having his thyroid removed next week- and all the fun stuff that goes with that. He's fretty, I'm fretty- it's awesome. And it is completely bonkerpants at the theatre because there are CHILDREN EVERYWHERE. It's time for summer camp- which is fantastic...and invasive. Imagine dozens of cats in bonnets...you get the idea.
SO- it's the beginning.
Here we go.
I am intrigued to see what happens and where we go.
Aren't you?
Endings are hard.
In between is hard.
Life is hard.
So what the heck am I doing?
I think I am having a mid-life crisis. At the ripe old age of 45, I have a good job working in the field I actually went to school for (WHAAA??????) and a great husband, we live in a pretty apartment in Seattle and I have two of the most adorable godchildren on the planet. So what the heck is my deal???
I have been uneasy/stuck./restless/frustrated/sad for almost two years now. The state of the world breaks my heart. Children being trafficked, the ridiculousness of racism that is (thankfully) in our face every day now, human slavery, rapes, orphans, hunger, poverty, social injustice, unequal pay. I would love to turn it all off- but I just can't.
I...just...can't.
Honestly- I think BIG THOUGHTS about DEEP THINGS and I have LOTS OF FEELINGS about them all...all the time.
And I feel helpless to do anything about it.
And I ask myself, am I really as helpless as I feel?
I expect not.
I am still in the top 1 or 2% most wealthy people on the planet, even though I can't afford to buy a house in Seattle because RIDICULOUSNESS. (Thanks a lot, tech people who are smarter than me and make way more money than those of us working in the non-profit sector of the arts.
By the way, tech people, you need us....you need us to remind you of your humanity and the beauty in the world because as you are taking over, people are losing touch. People are addicted to tech and social media, and they can't sleep, they can't talk to each other, they can't function in society/reality and you need us to remind you TO do that, let alone how to do that. But I digress....)
In a world....where no one talks with each other, they just talk at each other...I wonder- how do we love. When left and right are hollering so loud, I don't think they even know what they are talking about anymore. WHY are we warring with each other about stuff that doesn't matter? Why aren't we talking about the stuff that does?
I think we all know that things are not right in the world. Now, we all have an opinion about what will fix that. Why, we in the costume shop, in addition to making gorgeous clothing have solved ALL the world's problems, true story. Feel free to ask us- however, I should warn you, we're not in agreement all the time! IT'S TRUE.
And..it's okay.
It's OKAY y'all- to not agree. To love and prefer and wish each other well. That being different isn't about being wrong! We can disagree and still love each other! We will disagree and love each other! I was just reading some essays that the fabulous Jen Hatmaker wrote and she talks about these topics of loving people just as they are. So radical. Do you know her? You don't?
You should, she's a hoot. You can google her on the interwebs. Here, I'll make it easy for you.
http://jenhatmaker.com/
I heart her with my whole heart. She makes me feel less crazy. Like there are other people like me out there. People who love Jesus, but think things have gotten pretty squacky and out of whack in the realm of what we call "mainstream christianity."
Honestly, y'all- it's so bad, I don't even want to tell people I am a Christian. True story. It's not Jesus. I think Jesus is the bomb. He's freakin' fantastic. Walking love- it doesn't get better than that. But- we don't see Him much lately, do we? In all the hootin' and hollerin' and carryin' on....Yikes.
He still loves us! Isn't that amazing?
But, He expects us to love each other too. And it's hard, isn't it?
Because IDIOTS. All of us, and our blind spots, and our opinions that are "fact," and our ignorance (true story- contrary to popular belief, you don't know everything about everything- neither do I)
And since when did church become a business? Jesus tossing the temple? Anyone?
I wonder what would happen if we let that go? Let go of the structure of business for the church?
That is DEFINITELY a blog for another day. I have many WORDS about that topic.
So- now what? How do we love people as they are? How do we love them without trying to turn them into us? How do we bridge the divide? How do we be ministers of reconciliation and start to fix this mess?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
But I am willing to try. So, I am going to write about what I think (don't worry- I don't expect you to think like me, but try to be nice) and what I am trying to do to move forward and make it a better planet so I don't stand before God and be all like,
"Well, I heard You calling me, but I didn't know what to do about it..."
So- I am starting a blog, because it's easier to change direction if you're moving. So, I'm moving, here we go.
Things I am pondering:
Talking about the journey more. Y'all know stuff. I am a verbal processor.
Who knows what will happen?
Praying...because...duh.
Giving more financially- do I really need more crap? No. I don't, I want to give it to hungry people- and to organizations that empower people to begin to take ownership of their world...to empower those who need help to help others...because, y'all- arrogant charity doesn't really work. But that's a topic for another blog.
A few causes I know and believe in for starts:
www.heifer.org
www.wppcnepal.org
http://legacycollective.org/welcome/
Reading- a lot. Opening up my world, to other cultures and points of view. And studying Jesus, the main man. You know, the savior of the world? Because He is AWESOME. He is radical- and we have forgotten that- forgotten how He loved people and treated them. How He loved and treated the marginalized. Y'ALL- that's the POINT. He was also FUN...another point forgotten.
Pondering "CHURCH"- it's complicated. I'm confused. I'm not sure it's the way I want to go- and that is no reflection on the people of the church I am currently attending. They have done nothing but love and support me- but there is something deep in my core that cannot commit. I have some ideas why (we'll save that for another post)- but I am not sure what to do about it.
Being open and aware. Trying not to shut myself off, because truth be told, I am TERRIFIED.
And I have never been one to battle fear, but the past few years? Hoo boy. Yikes.
I am scared of risk, and of being made uncomfortable, of moving outside of myself...but the call stirring in my heart has gotten too big for me to ignore. Y'all pray for me. I have no idea what I am doing.
And y'all can just pray for me anyhow. I am greedy and needy for prayer. My husband is having his thyroid removed next week- and all the fun stuff that goes with that. He's fretty, I'm fretty- it's awesome. And it is completely bonkerpants at the theatre because there are CHILDREN EVERYWHERE. It's time for summer camp- which is fantastic...and invasive. Imagine dozens of cats in bonnets...you get the idea.
SO- it's the beginning.
Here we go.
I am intrigued to see what happens and where we go.
Aren't you?
Sarah, thank you for voicing this! It takes courage to be vulnerable in our world. May God bless your courage, my friend:)
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