The Lament of not knowing....

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just published.
But I got more to say.
Just trying to get it all out before dress rehearsals begin,
and break it up a bit, for those folks on the East Coast, you know.

THOUGHTS and FEELINGS, people.  BIG THOUGHTS and FEELINGS.

Still working through advent- probably will be until Lent because LIFE.

I meet with some friends on Friday mornings, and we're doing an Irish Advent Devotional, or something like that- I don't know- it's great, I love it.  I just can't remember the name of it.  It's all about houses and homes and hospitality...and you know- fun times.  And I had a bit of revelation about a bit o' scripture that I've read a hundred times before....
This one from Matthew 7:

Many of you will say to Me on that day,

"Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, 

and in Your name cast out demons,

and in Your name perform many miracles?"
And then I will declare to them,

"I never knew you;

Depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness."

I never knew you.

How terrifying.

Perhaps, you have given your life to Him.  To serve Him all your days...but you never spend time with Him.  Never listen...never be.  Perhaps you don't even know that is a thing!  That you can do that!
It is a thing.  You can do that.

After reading this part of the devotional,  I get the sense that this particular passage is not just one of warning, and judgement- but one of LAMENT.

It breaks Jesus's heart to not know us.  I mean...he KNOWS us- He made us...knew us before the beginning of time, in our mother's womb etc. etc....but do we let him KNOW us?

We want to be known- don't we?
I mean, why else is there Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and everyone taking photos of the FOOD THEY EAT?  Why else do we tell each other the gory details of every freakin' second of every freakin' day?

We want to be known.  Really known.

Don't you notice that in books and stories?  Everyone wants to be known, and everyone wants to be loved- flaws and all.  LOVED because of their flaws, the ones that are KNOWN.

Why do people want to be famous?
Because there is a void in our souls- that yearns and longs to be known and loved.

Even Christians won't let themselves be known by God.  They try and hide from themselves- who they truly are- hiding in works and service and who they think they should be, because, if you really knew them- well, would you really love them?
Haven't those thoughts invaded all our thinking?
We want to be known.  To be appreciated.  To be loved.

To be known requires relationship.  It requires time.  It requires humility and transparency.

It requires MESS.

We aren't big fans of being seen as messy, are we?
So interesting- since that is the base longing of our hearts....we want to be known- but only on our terms-our best and shiniest selves.

I do believe God wants us to let Him KNOW us...He does know us, but he wants us to get that- to get that we are KNOWN, we are loved.  He wants us to feel safe with Him.

And He laments when it doesn't happen.  It doesn't mean He doesn't love, but I believe He laments.

In this lovely Irish Advent devotional- it says this:

"...it's possible to do really impressive work, work that seems holy on the surface,

but it is empty because it's focused on results-

on a show of power rather than on relationship with 

the one who is the true source of power.

You can serve God and not know Him. Ouch.

I think sometimes this isn't on purpose.... He uses us in our VERY imperfect states.  

But why would you?

Why would you not know Him?
He who created you- who gave you all the stuff you need to be the youiest you?
The youiest you that I need, that the whole world needs.

Why not take the time?
Is it fear of rejection?  Rejection by God?  No...He doesn't.

He won't force Himself on you- but He's there- and yes, bad stuff does happen.

Which makes it seem like He isn't there, He doesn't know,  He doesn't care....but He is and He does.

Church people do bad stuff.

Evil people do bad stuff.

Evil people get into the church and do bad stuff...

The world is broken- it's fifty kajillion kinds of hot mess...

BROKEN PEOPLE BREAK PEOPLE.

I also believe there are wolves....in the churches.
People who want fame and power and wealth and...well, you fill in the blank.

Be careful.  Be discerning.

KNOW.

To know and be known, we have to make a choice.
To be vulnerable- to let go of our safety net- whatever that is....

To let Him heal our hearts- so we can go on to be sources of healing to others.

Is it easy?
HELLS NO.

Not even close.

To die to oneself is easy to say, hella hard to do....true story.

I do, with my whole heart- believe it's worth it.  

Which is why, to the consternation of some of those around me, I still allow myself to be placed in "harm's way"- so to speak.  To leave myself vulnerable until God says otherwise.

Even in this hard, hard time I am going through now- I trust that He IS working all things together for my good- that the light will appear suddenly.  I trust Him with justice as well....and mercy.

I know I can be a "delight" sometimes...mercy is what I would like to receive instead of justice- so I'll just leave that there.

I do not want to be someone who Jesus laments over.  I want Him to know me, I want to know Him...He is my true love story.  He provides all the true love in my life...my husband, my family, my "framily"- my godchildren.

I am known.

And it is enough....for now.