Derp.

Where do I begin?
This week, the week of derpy derpness.
In which we discover that doing too many things at the same time means that none of them get done well.
But sometimes, that is not our choice, and we don't have control- so...
How do we honor God in that?
How do we maintain our integrity without moving into unhealthy heroics?

I have no idea.
I am dodging all the balls I have dropped this week- trying not to let them knock me out.
True story.
Once again, I am reminded that while I am very capable- I cannot do it all.
I am okay with that.
I am not sure other people are.
They say they are, but do they mean it?  What if the ball I drop is connected to their project?  They SAY they are okay- I am not sure I actually trust that....

What if less than my stellar work appears because it is just too much?
I guess we will find out.
Because it is happening.
AND through it all- I need to be nice to people.  To be full of love and joy and grace.  When actually, I am tired and hormonal and squacky.
So it is hard....and I can't do it in my own strength...

I did do a huge "I am thankful for..."  list this morning.  And it is LONG.  My life is quite blessed. My problems...very first world.  But still, I am weary.

So- I fix my eyes on God.  I ask Him to order my day- to help guide me to do what He wants me to do.  To not get distracted by things that aren't for today.  I am a long-range planner- so sometimes that is very hard for me to do.  I be-bop around doing things- very stream of consciousness (you should see me clean my house- there is a method, but you probably wouldn't recognize it as such- hard to believe I had a job training Merry Maids once upon a time)

There is a great polish proverb I have at my desk...

Not my circus.

Not my monkeys.

I always need to remind myself that I have plenty of monkeys of my own.  That someone else's emergency isn't necessarily my priority.   Ironically, this is posted next to a darling caricature that one of my fabulous employees did of Grumpy Cat saying "NO."

Perhaps it is kinder and classier when said in french, n'est pas?

You would think with all this inspiration so close at hand, I would be better at this.  But alas, no.

HA. No.  Get it?
Neither do I.

Also at my desk is the Message version of Matthew 11:28-30

Are you tired?  Worn out?  Burned out on religion?  Come to me. 

Get away with me and you'll recover your life.

I'll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with Me and work with Me-

watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. 

I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 

Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

I trust Jesus in that...but our world doesn't really make space for Jesus.  And in our Western Culture in particular- we just go, go, go, go and we expect so much of others- because we expect so much from ourselves- so it's like "if I am willing to sacrifice, you should be too."

I know.  I do it too.

I don't like it.
I don't want it.

I don't know how to make it different.

I am trying.

Selah