How do you not despair?

120 dead in Paris.
That's the latest report from the BBC.

The mind reels.  I often don't pay a ton of attention to the news, because if I do, I get sucked down into a pit of despair.
The brokenness of this world makes me...so profoundly sad on such a deep level, there are not really words.
It's like being in a perpetual state of mourning.
And that combined with the level of stress at work lately, I just don't know.

Syrian toddlers washing up on beaches.
Displaeed people forced to flee their homes because they'll be murdered if they don't.
Sex trafficking of women and children.
Genital mutilation.
Slavery.
Starvation.  Disease.  Rape.  Murder.  Racism.  Corruption...so...much...corruption.
My soul weeps.  There is a heaviness of late that I just cannot shake.
Unlove.  Lawlessness.
Most sin falls into one of those catagories, if not both.

And now, 120 more souls....gone.  Some probably had no idea what hit them, some died with terror in their hearts.  How can one not be moved?
We have a friend living in Paris, she is alright, but she is scared, on lock down and surrounded by other scared people.

And yet, what we're all paying attention to is the ridiculously effective red cup marketing campaign, because, you know, obviously THAT's what is important.
How tragic is that?
So tragic.

It's been raining here in the Pacific Northwest, rain that we desperately need.  Drought in Seattle?  If the weather keeps going like it has been...yes.
But the rain always adds to the melancholy of a world going dormant.
And the news.  So many talking heads..
All the yelling.  On different sides of the equation.  Unlove vs. lawlessness.
Everyone sounds exactly alike- but they're all talking AT each other instead of TO each other, so no one notices that they all sound loud and hateful, because they're too busy complaining about how loud and hateful the other side is.  And it's hard to discern the truth.
Because of all the noise.
I am reminded of the Grinch- and why he was so grinchy.

All the noise, noise, NOISE!!!  

I feel you, brother.

So, what do we do?  What do you do?  What do I do?
How do we see?  How do we be aware and not be complacent to injustice without ending up a weeping puddle in the corner?
It's an honest question. I think that's why we all seek relief in escapism and entertainment- we just can't take it.  The darkness, the pain, the stress...the genuine horror and pain that people live with all the time.

So we shut down.  We get on Facebook.  We watch TV.  We become vocally obsessive about paper products that are ridiculous.  

I read. I escape into Masterpiece theatre- that's how I hide.

Sometimes, I make art...but I want to know, is there a way to shift all that into something that brings healing?  Perhaps in my art?  Writing instead of reading?  Loving instead of ignoring?  I don't know.

I am not big enough to handle it all.  My capacity to think, to love, to feel- not big enough.
Now, with my faith, I trust I don't have to do it on my own.

But trying to find God in the noise...it's hard, particularly this time of year.

Particularly when 120 people are gone..poof.

Abba, Father.  Have mercy on those who have been terrorized.  Let the families of those killed physically feel the loving embrace of their heavenly Father who weeps alongside them.  You have graced us with free will, and some turn from you, to sin, to murder.  Help us to be justice, to be love. Help us to forgive even when we don't feel like it, so the poison doesn't take root in our own soul- let this tragedy be a unifier among your children- let us pray, let us reach out, let your perfect love cast out fear.  Let us be vigilant against isolation, and aware of people who are isolated- help us to see, help us to value life- all life, the way that you do.  Comfort those who mourn, we don't know how.  Help us to pray.